hitting the home stretch of summer...

i don't know whether to call my summer successful or not. on the one hand, i finally took history of american journalism and repeated comm law and passed both. on the other hand, i withdrew from the english class because it was causing an ungodly amount of stress. high fives though because i finally found out i am on the fast track to a may 2008 graduation where i will be receiving my two degrees. holla if you hear me! lol.

socially, things are kind of about the same. people are re-settling and re-adjusting themselves in their roles they play in my life. that kinda makes no sense but let's see if i can clear this up. i can see who is being a good friend, who's being a shitty friend, which man isn't worth a damn, and that the man everyone thought wasn't worth a damn is stepping up.

headed back home in a couple of days. this should be fun considering i've been fighting with the parents. AGAIN.

music currently playing: "Truckin'" by The Grateful Dead

dumbest mistake ever...

so after i was tired of looking at the disgusting grime that was left behind by the person who previously lived in my apartment, i decided to take it upon myself to take some extreme measures to clean.

i mixed up a little ammonia, hot water and elbow grease. the smell of ammonia is ridiculously obnoxious. i forgot to pick up a gas mask so i had to cover my nose and mouth with a towel. as if that wasn't bad enough, i decided to splash some bleach on the surfaces i had gone over with my ammonia mix. in my head i was thinking ammonia+bleach equals super white surfaces.

turns out ammonia+bleach really equals CHLORINE GAS.

my bad. times ten. squared.

luckily i got the hint pretty fast when my nostrils and eyes started to burn and i felt lightheaded. i dumped the mix as fast as i could but when i called my mom she freaked her shit in a huge way. looks like this no ammonia no bleach together thing is something that everyone knew but me.

hence, it is safe to call this DUMBEST MISTAKE EVER.

music currently listening to: "God Must Hate Me" by Simple Plan

full steam ahead...

and steamed is what i am.

why the fuck do i have to constantly be everything to everyone?

"lola give me advice"
"lola, i need a ride here"
"lola, i need you to pick up my phone calls"
"lola..."
"lola.."
"Lola...!"

is it so much to ask that i take some personal time for myself and people let me HAVE IT?

music currently playing: "A.D.D. (American Dream Denial)" by System of a Down

some much needed incentive

my dad and i have been talking about replacing my car when I graduate from college. i'm excited because as much as i love my explorer, it's gotten its use. i've had the car since i was 17 and in that car, i've seen texas, missouri, oklahoma, illinois, indiana and michigan. i've survived a few wrecks in it. and i've definitely had some fun times in that car.

but i'm lookin' to upgrade and here is a pic of what i want to upgrade to. a 2007 infiniti fx35...my dad has also laid down the law. no car with no graduation and/or no car if the GPA is below 3.4

guess this puts an end to my partying days for a minute. hey, i love you guys, but i would love a new car more! :)

summer school starts tomorrow, which means i need to get my beauty rest and finish doing chores around the house.

MUSIC CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "The Sound of Settling" by Death Cab For Cutie

there's just something about testosterone boys and harlequin girls...

i believe sarah jessica parker had it right when she said the following:

"maybe all men are a drug. sometimes they make you feel so low. other times they get you so high."

i'll attest to that and let's just say right now i'm in the latter, not the former :)

currently listening to: "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At the Disco

all your base are belong to us...

you know, every day i see some type of evolution of technology. on the one hand, it's incredibly bad-assed (like how i can mapquest a road map from my blackberry, which is very useful because i roadtrip like five to eight times in a year).

on the other hand, it's freaky. big brother could be spying on me from my macbook (in that case, all the girls in the photos ARE OVER 18 ;) ), someone can ALWAYS be in contact with me via laptop (email, facebook, myspace, AOL instant messenger) or by cell phone (phone calls, text messages, email sent to my phone from my mizzou account), and finally it's such a drain on our time.

i feel sorry for anyone born later than, say 1989 because i doubt they remember what life was before nearly every american home had a laptop and steve jobs/bill gates were battling for our attention spans. i'm 22 years old and my 10 year old cousin can build a webpage better than i can. i'm pretty sure the health conscious can now blame childhood obesity on computers too because kids spend an ungodly amount of time in front of a computer screen instead of outside tossing a football, riding a bike or flying a kite (man, it's been forever since i tried to fly a kite). but then again, i'm guilty of spending too much time on the computer (especially facebook since they started installing all these crazy ass applications, damn you mark zuckerberg!).

i feel like taking up dr. ronci's challenge like i did last summer. there would be up to three days at a time where i would leave my cell phone off and my laptop off. those were good times because i would be so relaxed just sitting on my couch having a smoke, doing a sudoku and watching my law and order mini-marathons. it's nice knowing that you can control who can contact you and who can't.

to sum this all up, i am reminded of a line from my favorite cartoon character huey freeman from the boondocks: "Just think...we could all be reading a book right now."

in fact, i hear Helter Skelter by Bugliosi calling to me. y'all should read it. it's an account of the manson family and the tate/labianca murders from the prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi's point of view. manson was a nutter butter but it's a very interesting study in psychology.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai (how fitting...)

you take the good, you take the bad...

the bad...i'm soooooo *deep breath* oooooo b to the r to the o-k-e! lame! i hate not having a job, but it's what my parents want. not waitressing does have its upshot. i'm less stressed (not so much by the customers but less stress from my former asshole boss). more bad...dudes who don't know how to take a hint! drunkenly i gave my number to this fool me, porcshe' and jenna have termed as "the white t boys." even after i told that guy that i had a man, that fool is STILL calling me. and it sucks because there are some of my friends who call me and their number comes up as unavailable. i don't wanna keep avoiding their calls forever!

the good...i'm now the new TA for English 3400 :) i loved that class and dr. langley so i'm happy that i get to keep working with both.

currently listening to: "Family Matters" on ABCFamily

a year's really not that long...

you would think i know this by now, but it's just really starting to hit me how fast a year goes. and the summer goes faster than that. in the next three to six months, i need to do the following:

-write my proposal for why i'd be a good TA (this actually needed to be done two weeks ago. damn.)
-take the GRE
-work on my fiction
-raise my GPA
-apply to Teach For America
-apply to the following for grad schools in case i don't land in TFA:
*UMass-Amherst (right now, this is my top choice)
*Arizona State
*University of Georgia
*Georgia State
-keep my fingers crossed that either graduate school or Teach For America accepts me


busy busy busy like a bee! :)

currently listening to: "Maybe" by Janis Joplin

lazy sundays...

actually the title of that post is a wee misleading. i have been at home doing what i do best: working on my stories (because apparently when you apply to grad school, they want you to turn in 20 pages of fiction with your application) and watching crappy reality tv. the only effort i have put into doing anything was when i made my walk up to the gym and worked out. p.s. downtown gold's gym can suck it and once gas prices stop costing the price of two steak dinners and a bottle of merlot i'll go back to southside gold's.

i am so bored and so broke. i wish all my playmates would come back to como! or i wish i could find a mystical money tree. maybe there is a money tree and the bush administration is lying about it like they do everything else (for any republican readers of mine, i'm only halfway serious).

oh well..off the laptop and back to creating fiction.

p.s. aneesa from the real world/road rules challenges cracks my shit up (best example: Gauntlet 2 ---> aneesa: "BITCH I WILL CUT YOU WITH WORDS!"...kills me every singe effing time).

p.p.s . bring on the return of real world las vegas because steven was SOOOO smokin' hot.

currently listening to: "Sexy Boy" by Air

first post...a state of reflection

i've realized something about myself. I have an inability to let things go. I hold grudges even when I say i've forgiven someone. and that's pretty shitty of me because i get so mad when people don't say what they mean.

i've been meditating and reading out of the bible all day and i ran up on something that i really want to try to incorporate into my life:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."-Ephesians 4:31-32

it's simple: LET. IT. GO. God forgives my triflin' butt for all the crap i pull but I can't forgive others for stuff that in the big ol' picture of life that is just not that damn important? i really wanna do this. forgiveness may be one of the hardest things to do in life, but it's not that impossible. and i think it's in forgiveness (or at least learning to let go and learning who to deal with and not deal with) that i can be rid of all that toxic-ness in my life.

and if the bible isn't your cup of tea, then take it from one of the better movies made in my lifetime American History X:

"hate is baggage. life is too short to be pissed off all the time."

currently listening to: "Crazy" by Aerosmith